What Is the Double Empathy Problem?
For decades, autism was defined by "deficits in social communication" and "lack of empathy." But research by Dr. Damian Milton (2012) flipped this narrative: autistic people don't lack empathy, they experience a mismatch in communication styles with neurotypical people. Both groups struggle to understand each other equally, yet only autistic people are labeled as deficient.
This is the double empathy problem: when people with different neurological styles interact, mutual misunderstanding occurs. Neurotypical people misread autistic social cues just as often as the reverse, but society only pathologizes one side.
The Science Behind It
Research supports Milton's theory:
- Crompton et al. (2020) found that information transfer in all-autistic groups was just as effective as all-neurotypical groups, but mixed groups showed significant communication breakdown.
- Sasson et al. (2017) demonstrated neurotypical people form negative first impressions of autistic individuals within seconds based on brief video clips, without spoken interaction, due to differences in body language and facial expressions.
- Brewer et al. (2016) showed both neurotypical and autistic participants struggled to accurately recognize emotional expressions produced by autistic individuals, revealing the empathy gap runs both ways.
The breakdown occurs not because of autistic deficits, but because neurotypical and autistic communication styles are fundamentally different, and both groups lack familiarity with the other's approach.
Where Communication Breaks Down
Saying What You Mean vs. Hinting
Autistic people tend to say exactly what they mean using clear, direct language. Neurotypical people often communicate through hints, implications, and "reading between the lines."
When an autistic person is direct, neurotypicals might think there's a hidden message and search for meaning that isn't there. When neurotypicals drop hints instead of being direct, autistic people might miss what they're actually trying to say. Neither approach is wrong; they're just different.
Eye Contact and Body Language
Many neurotypical people expect eye contact during conversations and may view lack of it as rudeness or dishonesty. But for many autistic people, making eye contact is uncomfortable or even painful. It can actually make it harder to focus on what's being said.
Both groups also read body language differently. What seems natural to one group might look "off" or confusing to the other.
Conversation Timing and Turn-Taking
Autistic people might need a few seconds (or longer) to think before responding, or they might talk in detail about topics they're passionate about. Neurotypical people sometimes misread those pauses as awkward silence or see enthusiastic sharing as "talking too much."
On the flip side, neurotypical small talk (quick back-and-forth chatter about surface-level topics) can feel exhausting or pointless to autistic people who prefer deeper conversations.
Showing Emotions
Autistic people might look calm on the outside while feeling strong emotions inside, or they might react visibly in ways that don't match what they're actually feeling. Neurotypical people typically expect someone's face and body to match their emotions, so when that doesn't happen, they often misunderstand what the autistic person is experiencing.
How to Bridge the Gap
For Neurotypical People:
- Ask direct questions instead of dropping hints
- Don't assume someone isn't interested just because they don't make eye contact
- Give people time to think before expecting a response
- Remember that people show emotions in different ways, and all are valid
- Understand that communication differences aren't about rejecting you personally
For Autistic People:
- Tell others what you need. For example: "I need a moment to think before I answer"
- Explain your communication style when helpful: "I'm listening, but eye contact is hard for me"
- Ask for clarity when you're unsure what someone means: "Are you asking me to do this specific thing?"
- If someone misreads your body language or tone, let them know what you're actually feeling
For Everyone:
- Start by assuming the other person means well
- When confusion happens, say it out loud: "I think we might be communicating differently"
- Try to meet the other person halfway instead of expecting them to do all the adjusting
- Remember that no communication style is better or worse. They're just different.
The Bigger Picture
The double empathy problem isn't about fixing autistic people. It's about recognizing that communication works both ways. When misunderstandings happen, both people play a part in them. Real inclusion means neurotypical people also need to learn different communication styles, not just expect neurodivergent people to hide who they are and adapt alone.
Understanding this idea helps reduce shame, validates autistic experiences, and creates real opportunities for genuine connection between different neurotypes.
Sources:
- Brewer, Rebecca & Biotti, Federica & Catmur, Caroline & Press, Clare & Happe, Francesca & Cook, Richard & Bird, Geoffrey. (2015). Can Neurotypical Individuals Read Autistic Facial Expressions? Atypical Production of Emotional Facial Expressions in Autism Spectrum Disorders. Autism Research. 9. 10.1002/aur.1508.
- Crompton, Catherine & Ropar, Danielle & Evans-Williams, Claire & Flynn, Emma & Fletcher-Watson, Sue. (2020). Autistic peer-to-peer information transfer is highly effective. Autism. 24. 1704-1712. 10.1177/1362361320919286.
- Milton, Damian. (2012). On the ontological status of autism: The 'double empathy problem'. Disability & Society - DISABIL SOC. 27. 1-5. 10.1080/09687599.2012.710008.
- Sasson, Noah & Faso, Daniel & Nugent, Jack & Lovell, Sarah & Kennedy, Daniel & Grossman, Ruth. (2017). Neurotypical Peers are Less Willing to Interact with Those with Autism based on Thin Slice Judgments. Scientific Reports. 7. 40700. 10.1038/srep40700.